A tale of two women mentors: The importance of boundaries and accountability in fire service leadership

Kristen Wheldon, President of the Fire Service Psychology Association (FSPA), reflects on the lessons learned from two female mentors and how they shaped her leadership style in challenging settings

Finding a mentor in the workplace can have profound impact on your professional development. Having worked in multiple settings including jail, prison, fire service, etc, I’ve been privileged to work with some very successful women. Each of them took a very different approach in their mentorship and I learned vastly different lessons. 

Amongst these women leaders there were two important individuals and styles that resonated with me. In one, I learned about professional boundaries which contributed to my confidence and an authentic voice. In the other, I learned professional survival strategies to manage within a dysfunctional work environment. Survival meant accepting without ever challenging the status quo. Ultimately, I observed how the latter trade required succumbing to dysfunction and ultimately a tax on mental health. 

Both approaches taught me a powerful lesson about the way women are encouraged to act within the workplace. These strategies occur within the context of many cultural variables including gender norms, nonverbal and verbal communication expectations, and interpretations of power.

While both environments were male dominated industries, one setting had the advantage of incorporating women and professionals for decades prior. As such, women were found throughout the levels of the rank and file. They were also included in the medical and psychology disciplines throughout the institution. The role was defined and professional expectations set.

As with any complex work environment though, professionals need to develop the specific skills to identify situations influenced by bias that can impact not only psychological safety, innovation, but the ability to effectively and efficiently achieve the mission. 

Establishing professional boundaries

In the first setting, the professional role was to provide psychological care to primarily incarcerated men. When men are imprisoned, many of the privileges they enjoy in society are withheld. There was an unspoken recognition that male behavior that could occur in the community could create challenges for institutional safety.

As such, inmates were not encouraged to speak about personal matters openly (unless in a therapeutic setting), make comments about appearances or stereotypes, or communicate in a way that would devalue a professional woman as that would be considered inappropriate or over familiar. This was an introduction to professional boundaries.

Engaging with officers was inherently different. These individuals were responsible for institutional safety but the shared mission of rehabilitation. We were involved in cooperative professional activities and, generally speaking, many could see the value of our professional contributions to the shared goals. 

Surviving a Dysfunctional Work Culture

The position within the second setting was designed to provide oversight while collaborating with a peer support team to ensure members within our department had the resources they needed to achieve and maintain mental health. In this role, there were few females department wide and even fewer in positions of leadership. My female mentor appeared to have achieved her status within the department by keeping a “head down” approach.

She appeared to have needed to limit her contributions to the team in order to maintain status to appear as a “team player.” I observed comments such as “behave,” subtle kicks under the table intended to quiet voices during meetings, and statements that the role was to comply with people in power rather than provide critical assessment, professional expertise, or engage in collaboration. The team suffered, potential was stifled, and the objectives were negatively impacted. 

Given my work in multiple professional settings, in the second environment, I attempted to use healthier communication strategies and the boundaries I’d learned early on. However, I discovered quickly that the environment was not psychologically safe to do so. To survive in the workplace, I was expected to compromise not only the laws and ethics of my profession but I would need to assume a subservient role to males in leadership or those favored for political reasons. The expectation was disguised as being a “team player.”

Ultimately, I chose to act professionally (in alignment with the laws and ethics of psychology), respectfully (with direct, intentional, and empathetic communication), and with boundaries (focusing on professional expertise and contribution). This was unacceptable for this specific work environment. A couple years later, the organization and I parted ways.

Lessons learned and the importance of psychological safety

My takeaway is that psychological safety is the most important variable for attracting and retaining professionals. As a female leader, it is imperative to challenge dysfunction if that is the status quo, so that future leaders can focus more on the mission and vision of the organization rather than on these dynamics. Healthy boundaries create the foundation for a psychologically safe workplace.

Perpetuation of dysfunction

Recently, I had a casual conversation with a female leader in the fire service who offered some unsolicited advice on how I should, “come off.” Her guidance was again to keep my “head down” and not “show my neck.” She shared I should speak only when spoken to or at the end of a conversation I could “ask a question or provide a suggestion.” She expressed “this is how I got here.” While I believe she was attempting to be helpful, at this point in my career, I’ve learned if you take that advice you are stifling potential, organizational accountability, and ultimately hurting yourself. Women should not take the Faustian Pact.

In my perspective, we should spend the time to teach employees to understand and establish boundaries in behavior and communication so as not to allow biases to stifle productivity and impact the mission in male dominated industries. I’ve been blessed to have met women in positions of leadership who taught me the skills needed to perform at my best, find an authentic voice, and grow as a professional. Those are the real ones. That’s what I aspire to be.

About the Author

Dr. Kristen Wheldon is a licensed clinical psychologist who has a passion for the behavioral health of firefighters and their families.  She currently serves as the President and Founder of the Fire Service Psychology Association (FSPA), a nonprofit which was created to bridge the gap between professional psychology and the fire service through providing continuing education courses to mental health providers, behavioral health trainings to departments, and collaborating on research to better understand the specific needs of firefighters and their families.

This article was originally published in the February 2025 issue of Fire & Safety Journal Americas. To read your FREE digital copy, click here.